Failure

So everything was going great in life, and nothing seemed up, i was positive about where i was going, i had no worries in my 'love life', home life was also good, and i hadnt thought about college or my results..

Yesterday i got them back, i failed everything :/
I officially fucked up my a levels, i got one c, which brought down my philosophy to an overall c, something i didnt want to happen.. The rest of my results were e's, and one u.
Bad bad times.
I was mega depressed yesterday, and i cant seem to shake the feeling of failure in myself, i had pep talks from kaeli, her mum, and also my own, but it just doesnt seem to shake the fact that ive failed myself..?
I hate losing at things, i hate disappointing myself and i hate knowing that i now have to consider new career paths.

I guess the good thing about it is that i now have a clearer mind, im not focusing on one thing as much, and i kind of have a different perspective on it all.
Im going to drop sport, drop classics, follow up with philosophy and psychology, and take art.
I think if i only have three a levels to focus on i can spend more time worrying about them and not so much it all.

Part of my mums pep talk was telling me that i can do anything i want to, and if i show drive and motivation i dont need some piece of paper saying im good at something.
This leads me on to my next point, once im done with my second year of college i intend to look in to becoming a trainee psychologist, learn it from experience, its something i really want, and i think if i show myself to want it enough i might be able to do it.
The main thing i have to do is not give up on myself, but after a shock like that it just seems so hard not to.
Introspectively ive been destroyed, but im trying not to let it show on the outside, because i dont want to be weak. :/

I also was told that my past year has been full of ups and downs, and that its bound to have affected me, i dont want to admit to this though, because i cant give myself any excuses for failing like that, i need to learn from it and take that lesson to the next level when i try to get this trainee career.
It could mean moving away from home, but i guess thats something il have to sacrifice for the good of my life?
I dont know how i feel about that to be honest, it could sway either way, the problem being ive made so many sufficient relationships i dont want to lose them.
Another thing i discovered, is that the possiblity of my mum and dad being mediated on my birthday is high.
I should further explain, last year i split up with someone i was really close to around the time of my birthday, about a week later my parents decided my dad was moving out. I didnt let it affect me because i was so used to the arguing i didnt seem to care anymore, but i did begin to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I then found it hard to hold close relationships until now, and i still find it hard to open up. Needless to say my birthday that year wasnt great, and this year it appears a similar thing may happen. My parents are about to finalise the split, and have a meeting the exact day of my birthday. Oh joy.

I find myself becoming slightly senile towards birthdays now. My brother had his yesterday, he didnt seem overly enthused about his presents, as i didnt know what to get him, after having my results, feeling depressed already and then seeing him so unimpressed i felt utterly awful, and kind of disgraced in myself for leaving it so late to get his presents.
I think i need to prioritise more and be prepared for things like this.
He had to work on his birthday, and then had an argument with his girlfriend. This mustve been shit for him.

I really dont know anymore, im finding myself losing patience with myself, and sometimes others when i really shouldnt, i dont want to hit another depressive state like i have over the past year or two, so im trying my hardest just to push my feelings aside and be positive for whats to come, im young, healthy(?), and i have so many options..

Or do i?
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