Saboteur.

So now im in an even worse mood, its been like half an hour since i posted that massive blog, and now everything has gone to shit again in my head.
Just when i didnt need it an argument arose, im now sat on my own, and i feel more resent for myself than i did in the first place.
It really hasnt helped.
I think things are going great in one aspect, i worry that im beginning to feel dependent, i know i am but i fight the urge to accept it, because i dont want to feel like that again. Ive fought the urge to say the forbidden word a couple of times now, its just popped to mind and i wont have it.
Now i feel like shit. Im going to have a shower, get my stuff, go home and chill out until i have my hair cut.
Hopefully something new might change my mood. Saying that i doubt it, il probably end up feeling worse about myself and missing my hair in the first instance.
I just seem to fuck up everything good i have, or reject anything i feel and want to say.
Im heading down, im ruining myself and everything around me, and im becoming the saboteur of my own life. I dont remember where i heard this before, but it was said that in relationships and 'love' we only sabotage ourselves and the things around us, and never accept the beauty of it all, where we want to be and who with etc.
I wish i could remember.
x