I dont like the way a good mood can change all of a sudden, and become awkward, concerning and essentially pathetic.
Today was a good day, ive been feeling quite happy the past week and im glad i know who i do, spend time with the ones i choose etc etc.
I guess i should start at square one really..?
I had a barbecue at my house last saturday, i was already feeling good in anticipation and over the day my mood started (this is taking ages cos im casually watching a film, getting distracted and losing my chain of thoughts.. Haha) to increase along with my appreciation for my friends.
Nowadays i tend to only spend time with the people that i really know im going to enjoy it with, and i can say with all certainty i did that saturday. There was a pretty small group of us, and although i know some of the people are used to going to bigger more lively parties, i kind of hoped this wouldnt be too bad. It turned out quite nicely, and i had a few really good chats with them all.
The thing i love about these girls in particular, is that theyre so genuine its almost unreal. I always knew they were lovely people, but i think the night really renewed this thought in me.
Aswell as them, i had a few of the best lads round, and altogether i had a pretty nice night.
So with that, and a few other things over the past few days, my mood elevated and ive just been much happier. A few rocks in the path swayed it, but in general its been awesome.
I guess the thing that really pissed me off today, was the fact i asked my dad to come round and help me with my bike. Long story short, my mum made it proper awkward for him, he left sharpish, she then also tried to have a dig at me for not telling her he was coming, and is going to 'talk to me about it later'.
Fuck it man. Fuck her.
The worst thing about that all, was i expected today to be unusual, concerning and potentially mind-blowing. It turned out to be the opposite, i ended up relaxed, inspired and most of all comforted in myself, and certain others.
I randomly decided to sit on a bench in a park in totton at one point, failing that i got bored and felt the need to lie down. During this i had a few weird looks, and a small group of chavs were looking at me. One looked around 10, and they were all smoking. This kind of disturbed me, id be a hypocrite if i said smoking was bad and all that, but he was so so so young. TOO young. How was he even exposed to something like that at such an age?!
After lying there for a while i sat up, rolled up and began smoking. I noticed them moving their mouths, and looking in my direction so i took out my earphones, said sorry and asked what they said.
Turns out the tiny one was apologising for his language, and i said i couldnt hear it. I was then asked if i was ok, to which i responded 'yehh im just killing time', they asked how old i was, i said, they said i looked about 20, at which i smiled, said no and timingly got a phone call.
The point of all that being, the age and stuff doesnt matter, neither does the fact i was lying on a bench. What got to me was that a child that young, someones offspring has been exposed to bad habits, (hypocritical i know), and is using one of the dirtiest mouths ive heard. I also heard some kids swearing awfully in the changing rooms at the gym the other day.
-Anyway, what i intended to say, was that my faith in the growth and raising abilities of children has significantly faltered, the kid knew he shouldnt be doing it, yet he seemed to consider it fine anyway? The thought was a strange one to bare close, and its been on my mind a lot.
Im done babbling, because i dont want to go in to that too much and end up opening a preposterously over dynamic bag of worms.
Chao.
x
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