Ok..

..So if im honest, i may be slightly pissed right now, but this is the second night ive been served in a pub..
Tomorrow and sunday were on the lash too, so ive got a fucking good weekend set ahead.
So far this weekend has honestly been the best ive had in a long time.
Im home alone, semi-pissed, tired, and off to london tomorrow morning.
But im just not feeling bed, so i decided to come on t'internet, and have a chat with a few people.
I REALLY cannot type at the moment (ive made so many mistakes in this short paragraph, but im keeping constant and making them right..)
Its been a really good night. Ive enjoyed it. (:
I think my backspace bar on my laptop is worn out from its hard work now, so il leave it there.
I cant wait to see my baby monday :D
Peacee
x

Hahahahahahahahahahaha, made me laugh a lot.

Ive been in a good mood, polished off a good day (:

x

Morbidity

Have you ever been so purely angry that you had some morbid, violent thoughts?

Its weird. I had thoughts of beating someone up, and shooting them in the neck :/

Its fucked up man.

Thinking

So i guess you never really know how much you miss someone until you have that time apart?..

In a way its going to be nice to have the week break, im looking forward to kicking back, not having to worry about meeting up with her, and just being able to spend some quality time with mates, and ultimately to think about just myself.

However, that doesnt stop me missing her, having the ability to talk to her when i feel like it, hear her voice, feel her touch. All that gooey shit that i never intend on admitting to in a relationship. If im really quite honest, id like to be one of those guys that can play girls, have random shags and play the field, but facing it, im not a complete cunt.

I know sometimes my judgement is wayward, and im out of order sometimes, i say the wrong thing, at the wrong time, to the wrong person.. Ok, a lot of the time. But thats just me, im nice when i mean it, but otherwise its just a bit of banter, and i like to test peoples water, i enjoy seeing how they work and what i can 'get away' with, but i dont mean it in a nasty way.

The problem being, i always end up becoming too attached, thats how people get hurt, thats why ive tried to avoid it in the past, and i shut off before i get in too deep or if the trust is breached, with someone like me that barrier is hard to rebuild.

Once i lose sight of whats right in a relationship, it goes on an awful road, and i just close down, i dont like admitting to feelings, and i dont like knowing whats coming in the ultimation.

I always seem to end up in the 'friend zone' with people i like, i guess im lucky it didnt happen this time. But the two people before it happened that way, and i was reluctant to put myself out there. I guess it was lucky in a way, otherwise i wouldnt be where i am now.

Ive started to become deterministic in my thinking, everything leads to the next event, but i guess im a compatibilist in the sense that i think our own decisions lead us in the direction we choose.

I still consider myself quite good friends with the both of them, one ive lost closeness with but one im relatively close to, and its good. I dont like losing good friends, and im glad i havent done that.

I think over the next week you may get a few of these 'deep', 'meaningful' blogs, because in reality im going to have a lot of time to think about things, and where i want them to go.

I just hope i dont 'over'think.

Fun times..

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Women.

Basically.

Why tell me one thing, change your mind, change it again, and again, and again, then expect me to be all chatty once the conversation goes dead and were not talking anymore..?

FUUUUCK SAKE.

It really irritates me, and i get frustrated, then i get annoyed, and i hate sitting staring at a screen when im in a bad mood.

It just festers more. Fucking agh.

What the hell man?

Then after all that apologise for it all and take the blame? :/

WHY?!

Why make all of that worth nothing? It makes it worse IF EVEN possible!!

Agh.

I hate the way a mood can swing like a leaf in the wind.

:|

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Its Been A Time And A Half

Ok, so its been a fucking year since i did my blog, or at least it feels like one.
Ive been meaning to write on here, but i guess i havent really found the time.
Skiing was amazing, i had possibly one of the best times of my life, just being out in a different place with friends, enjoying life to the full and absorbing some amazing weather.
I guess over the past few weeks ive had a pretty variant bunch of thoughts. The weekend just gone was fucking awful, i had one of those massive depressive states come out of nowhere, where everything i didnt want to see upset me, everything i didnt want to happen happened, and my mind was all over the place.
Problem being, when i get in that state i try to avoid people, i find i only ruin their days too. :/
After being dragged out, and having a really awkward night, i got home, slept and thought i was feeling fine the next day. Funny that, because it came back and bit me in the ass.
I had work, and at the end of my shift was bored for ten minutes, so went on facebook. Then i saw something i didnt want to, which provoked loads of other thoughts i try to leave unturned, and i felt completely shit all over again. It was awful.
Anyhoo, it all got sorted out eventually, and in the evening i ended up having a proper nice chat with someone i havent spoken to in a while. It was good, and topped the day off on a good'un for me (:
Today was much better, i got the summery clothes out, absorbed the sun and packed a massive sesh in the gym at the end of the day. Im feeling pretty good this evening. I had a massive dinner too :D

I apologise for the dryness of this blog, there hasnt really been much of interest in it.. I guess i just pretty much accounted my life since my last post :/
I shall try and write something of significance when it takes me, considering i started this off with the intention of updating it loads. (:
Well anyway, thanks for reading, should anyone actually be, and not have fallen asleep by this point :P
x

OH MY FUCKING GOD.

WE LEAVE FOR SKIING IN LIKE AN HOUR AND A HALF.
IM SO FUCKING EXCITED, BUT BLOODY EXHAUSTED.
Also, i REALLY need to pee, but cant be arsed to get up..
AN HOUR AND A HALF MOTHER FUCKERRRRSSS
That is all.
Have a great easter
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