Boredom.

Its like a drug, a narcotic, inducing, drug like effect. It ruins your thoughts, it contaminates your judgement, it sways your actions. It makes you grumpy.

Im tired, im bored, and i cant help but get annoyed over nothing. Well i say annoyed, im not annoyed as such, but i just get to the point where i cant be fucked with trying anymore.

Its a disease that slowly melts away your brain, if you let it manifest it becomes the object of all reverse desirability, it makes you over-think things, it makes you slowly drive yourself down. If youre bored and upset, tired or depressed, you need someone to guide you away from it, you need something to do, you need the art of good conversation. Im bored, and tired. I have none of these.

The art of conversation is lost in the un-meaningful delusion of 'chat'. Chat is not talk, chat is the willy nilly of a shit conversation. Neither of you are entertained, the subject is of no interest. 'Hey, how are you? What you up to? Yawnyawnyawn.'

I hate having someone you can have amazing conversations with, and then after progressing losing that comfortability, and feeling you 'should' (another important word) talk about something better. That is one aspect that worries me when i find someone i like, i dont want to lose their friendly persona in the midst of knowing you have something to lose. I saw a sentence earlier: things are more fun when you know you have nothing to lose (i dont believe it when exactly like that, but i cant remember where i saw it), but its relevant.

As soon as you realise youre in deep, you notice what there is to forfeit in the midst of your actions, its not in your control anymore.

Again, should. You 'should' do something, when do we ever do what we should? Some of us never, some of us too much. Few people are in the middle, with the correct balance of a healthy ego. Theres too much to consider, and we no longer have a hand in our choices when we do what we 'should', and feel obliged to do so.

Sorry to waffle.

x