LOSTPROPHETS.

Ok, so for starters, last night was FUCKING AMAZING. The gig was sexy itself, they played an amazing set, and mid-way through the set i got to talk to Ian Watkins directly because my brothers mate lifted me up. I was so happy. Then i moshed it up a bit to shinobi, got so sweaty my top got stuck to me, and i took it off, my hair was curly and dripping with sweat, and at the end i got lifted up for the encore, and everyone around started crowd surfing me, it was SO cool. I got surfed to the front and kicked out, but it was well worth it. Some guy had hold of my top, and was having a tug of war with the security guard :L Despite ringing ears and severe dehydration, that was the most EPIC gig ive been to. Good times. Ahh im so happy.



Ive been having some weird dreams lately, but they seem to all involve death. Like, i had one where kanye west was my dad (i know, weird eh), and he died, and i was sat outside a house on my own..? And in the same night as that one i had a dream that someone tried to mug me, and was going to beat me up etc, so i legged it from him and the group of mates he was with home. Then i got asked what was with the lump on my face by my mum and girlfriend (who had been at my friends house sleeping with him :S), and i told them i nearly got mugged, and beaten the shit out of, and they both started laughing at me hysterically :/
Then i went upstairs and sat in my room, and a ghost came through the wall?! He asked why i was on the floor of my room, i started to say and he started talking about fifa and blanked me...

Weird stuff eh? I remember the mugging one vividly because i woke up half way through with a panic attack, it was that realistic.. Haha, my heart was going crazy :S

I had another last night, which i cant remember as vividly, but it was something strange, i cant explain it. But at one point i was kicking a rugby ball, and someone went to grab it so i kicked it, chased and dived on it before a 3rd person could. Then a girl spoke to me and said something about her brother, i kicked the ball accidentally, and it clearly has some significance cos i was like oh shit! Tried t catch it but couldnt, ran after it, tried again and couldnt, caught it on the third time, and it was a strawberry lolly, which fell to the floor, right at the feet of a lone red rose.. The rose was something to do with the girl's brother's death somehow, and it was really sad..

I dont understand why im getting these dreams, its worrying, and kind of strange..
But ANYWAY, last night was so fucking good.

I hope you all have an amazing weekend.
x

Dude.

30 mark essay, due first thing tomorrow.
AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Where am i? Nowhere, ive done shit all. I had the whole of half term and ive forgotten it ALL. Shit man.
This is driving me fucking nutters.
Also, where da blog at nowadays man?
Noone seems to be bothering with them.. If any of you read this prick up.
Follow me, write your own, and sort it out.
I like seeing what you all have to say.
(:
x

Melodramatic

Jealousy. When you think youve avoided it it bites you in the ass. Everything was fine, but now its not. I HATE this feeling, and ive just got so much shit spinning around my mind. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I cant stand it. And i cant talk about it. SHIT.

>:(

I hate people who interfere in my relationships, especially people who i most definitely DO NOT want knowing stuff about me, or getting involved.
Its funny how a mood can change just like that, over the stupidest, smallest thing.
But it pisses me off. Fuck sake.
Im in a shit now.

Tiredness Is Like An Infection

The less you accept it and do nothing about it, the more it builds up.
Im absolutely cream and crackered, because ive stayed up late instead of sleeping. The longer you leave it the worse it gets, and i am exhausted, lethargic, un-relentless and dosey. Yaaaawwwwwwwwn.
Early night tonight me thinks :)
x

Valentines Day = Valentines Is GAY

I find it so overrated, im not in to the whole lovey shit, especially not after the past year. Its really not my thing any more. The extent we went to this year was a card. I was happy with that, and spending the day with her. But for something im so against it actually turned out really nicely. We just spent the entire day talking, listening to music and whatnot. It was pretty epic.
I forgot how amazing the female body is, this sounds weird, but its not even the sexuality of it, im talking about the dip in the back, the curve above the hip, the smoothness of the shoulders. That sounds so perverted, but what im trying to say, is to have a good time with a girl you dont need to be having sex. The feeling of pure comfort, where you dont need to say anything, you dont need to do anything, you can just look in to each others eyes. Its strange, and kind of overwhelming.
It scares me.
I guess sometimes i take for granted things like that, but i feel i can distinguish the difference between the two. Unlike some.
I dont think commitment is the problem, i have no problem with it, im not one of the guys that pressures a girl in to stuff, i dont use them, i dont know what it is, but im just scared of getting attached? I dont want to be cut down again.
Enough of the soppy shit. But i needed to say that, and theres not enough appropriate people to say it to.
I think the change over from 2009 to 2010 has been amazing. Ive met some brilliant new people, and im so glad i have. Each and every one of them has made my life that bit better, and i want to thank them. The problem is i dont know how? I cant go up and say 'thanks for making my life better' can i now?.. Ah, id look like SUCH a tool. I just hope i can make them feel better, or help them out when they need me? Its on my to do list this year. Aswell as kill the DVLA..
Saturday was football day, and im not a football guy, but this was saints pompey, so i really got in to it. Pompey won 4-1 :(
Letdown.
That day i was drinking from 12 til about half 10 at night, and sat smoking my life away, and chilling to some tunes for the mostpart. I had a great day, and then woke up the next morning with a rager of a headache.
Ive had a good weekend. Its half term now, and i intend to make the most of the break from college.
(:
x

HAHAHAHA.

Sasha Curran: NEW FACEBOOK IS SHIT, U CNT COMMENT ON CERTAIN PEOPLES, IT MESSES UP ,ITS SHIT, AND DEY AINT LONG CHANGED IT ANYWAY AND ITS A BUNCH OF RETARTDED SHIT..WAT THE HELL IS FACEBOOK TRYNA DO LOOSE EVERY1



And facebook is the retarded one...?
My deary.
Laughing of the loud my friends, laughing of the loud.
x

Disturbing.

Today had a disturbing ending to it, and ive got in, not done much, been mellowed out, which then developed in to a lethargic mood and its going downhill a bit.
I spent time wondering why ive had the downturn, and i know why now.
Some kid got hit by a car earlier, and our bus had to stop, and we had to walk home from dp, as the road was closed off. A lot of us had to walk past the scene and the boy was unconscious on the floor. I looked over, and from the brief view i got, i saw blood on his head, he was in a neck brace and had paramedics etc around him. Loads of the people that were on my bus just started staring and stopped to watch. I was like what the fuck are they doing?! Theres one thing being curious, and theres a whole new level to it.. Stopping and watching a fucking kid be resussitated and shit?! Why?!!?
After this i was walking with kev and this other guy back toward hythe, and i released my frustration, and explained it to them. This guy said he had to walk on cos it reminded him of him and his brother, his brother was hit by a car when this guy was 10 and his brother was 12, and he died in his arms.
Ive never had anything like that happen to me before, and i wont pretend to understand how soul destroying that would be, i didnt know how to react. Other than pull a face and be like ahh shit.
Frankly, i was sickened by the people who stopped. A lot were my friends, and to have the stomach to stand and watch someone in that state, to stare, like dirty fucking gannets spying out for the last bit of meat on a scavenged corpse. I felt a hatred. Not a hatred toward them, well i guess kind of, but more a hatred to the human race, and the fact that it controlled them.
Is the human brain, the thing so powerful and amazing that weak to factors as such? Can people really be nosey to such an extent theyre willing to watch some boy on the floor, who may even die given the circumstances? Yet these people can still watch, just stand there and absorb whats happening? No doubt tomorrow it will be discussed like some piece of gossip. It disgusts me.
I dont understand how someone could do that. The kid on the floor was another human being, it was doubtful he was related to any of them, and theyre willing to see him in a state such as that because they cant help their dirty little eyes.
It makes you wonder just how merciless the misdeed of our race is.
Eugh.

I woke up early this morning with a new state of mind

I actually love family business - kanye west at the moment, ive had the song for yonks, but for some reason its really pulling me in.
It puts your mind in a frame of mind, and says material goods are nothing, 'they dont mean a thing'. After reading a few other blogs this morning i realised why this applies to me at the moment. Its just so relevant.
Theres nothing more important than a bond with someone, be they a friend, family or a lover. You should never go out looking for something, and you should never get greedy. Everything seems to have linked lately.
You can have an amazing time with someone close by just being with them, if they seem right all you need is their presence. I mean, im not claiming to be some omniscient being, but i definitely feel so much more knowledgeable lately. I feel so much more intelligent, and im beginning to understand the world better for what it is.
If you do a good deed, something will come back for you, i dont care if philosophy says its selfish, its still good to do so, the feeling you get is an added bonus. Im growing on the view that however much shit you get, however long you suffer, something good will always come around. This may feel like it relates to one person if theyre reading this (i dont know if they do or not), but i guess what im saying is keep optimistic, believe in the best and sweep away the hardship. Youve got friends around you, and if you need to talk about things dont hesitate. Life will pick up again soon.
I guess i know this from experience. Its a massive blow when you think you find 'the one', and your own mistakes, and their own let you down. I contributed to destroying my own soul, and after a few of the worst months of my life for connection, ive found someone that makes me happy again. Sometimes all you need is to stop looking for the thing you want the most, and let it find you. I never believed that, and most of the phrases i hear are complete bollocks, but if something subconsciously stands out to you, and you wonder why, im sure it will become relevant in life. I guess after studying it, ive grown in to a more deterministic nature.
I was reading up on the philosophy of religion the other day, and i feel so much more comfortable with my views, i came across a really relevant quote to what ive been thinking all this time :
"Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned."
With an atheistic state of mind ive never quite understood how christians can believe in a god that so apparently seems to be vacant at the cause of any hardship for the human race whom he 'loves one and all' of. I dont understand how you can worship something which clearly is not there.
I wish i had the faith to follow something so obnoxious and cynical toward basic views against itself, but i cant. I dont believe in god, i dont understand how something could compel you to follow what would seem a 'dead end' of a cause..
Last night me and matt (mainly matt) found a phone, and long story short returned it. We got £5 for the deed, and he tried to split it with me, but i refused, as he was the one who found it. Eventually we agreed to start an alcohol fund with it, for when his parents go away. However, the point being, it felt SO amazing to do something good, and lately i havent known where i want to go in life. This spurred a really interesting conversation on the way back to his, and i do love a meaningful talk. Something with purpose, because it sends me further in life and helps me determine my own views, and further my belief in them. Ive come to the conclusion i really just want to enjoy it.
Obviously i want money, i want to be that guy that wakes up in a vintage, calm atmosphered country house, with fresh orange juice for breakfast, light music in the background, a wife to share my life with and that feeling of completion in life.
Problem being, im WAY too far away from it at the moment. Im only 17, ive got another year and a half of college, multiple years of uni, and no real control over what happens in my life. So i feel helpless in my desires. A boy can hope?
x

No Electricity

So tuesday morning i got up, took a piss and all the lights went off. I was stood peeing in the darkness, splashing everything and everyone in the near vacinity. Including a small korean man who had made me some sweet chili chicken.. He didnt take kindly to it and made a move for my penis but i fought him off..
I had to have a bath when it was light with the remaining hot water, and go to college without straightening my hair. Its times like these i hate being such a woman about things..
Its now wednesday night, and im staying at my mates for the second night in a row, so i can go in to college clean, as i refuse to go in un-washed. I nearly ended up on a 'student learner' agreement today, as i 'forgot' my coursework due in. Lucky i could use the power cut as an excuse. I dont really have much more to say, but i havent done a blog in a while. Life is pretty sweet at the moment, well, its ok.
Il do one when i have a spare minute, a proper one and il go in to all my revelation mode shinannigans. (:
x