AHHHHHHHHHH

Ok, so i know its been time, but i really do have something to write about now!
Its not depressive, and i feel amazing right now!

Just when you think things are slipping away, a lifeline somehow appears to save you from drowning in yourself.
I love it when this happens, it never normally does to me.
I get to the point where i think ive fucked everything up, and my thoughts are revived from their rotting ashes.

Today i had my first driving lesson, i didnt stall once, i went on forest roads, through three villages and across two busy roundabouts. It was AWESOME. I felt so comfortable! The best thing about it was at the end, my instructor told me she was really impressed, and that i was quite a natural, and that i dealt with some of the situations really well.
This made me really excited, as i was so nervous at the start. She just dropped me right in to the thick of it..

Now, i feel even better, i thought id fucked up my A levels, i thought id ruined my education.
I sent a few emails, and tried to sort things out, and it all has!
Ive been given a second chance to retake psychology from AS, ive been accepted for art AS and i can continue my philosophy as i passed it!!!!
Im SO happy, i dont know where its come from.

Its amazing. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. :')
Peace out motherbitchessssss
x

Im Lying In Bed Again

Lost for thoughts, lost for the form of sleep too..
My room feels uncomfortable because i havent been here in so long, i dont like it.
Im tired but i cant sleep, i feel weirdly lonely because noone is in, and this is something that worries me, not the fact the noone is home, but the fact its beginning to affect me. I have a strange feeling that some form of a phobia is developing, a phobia of being alone?
As soon as i am i shut down, get bored, lonely, and somewhat depressive. I find myself trying to find things to keep myself active and kill time alone..
I realise this combined with my last few blogs portray me as a frighteningly morbid person..
Hmm, something to think about also.
I dont know where my life is going.
I dont know whether to re-start college, i dont know how to go about psychology without college or uni, i dont know if i want to do the latter, fuck i dont even know if i want the first. I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING.
This scares me. A lot.
Im 18 in under three weeks, and i have nothing to show for it.
AHHH.
I dont even feel like doing anything for my birthday :/
I dont know what i want.. I dont know how i want to spend it..
All i know is that il be at college.
Fuck.

What am i going to do?
My life has come to a standstill.
x

Yet Another

Im currently sat in my thinking spot listening to mumford and sons, thinking about everything.

I took a walk and ended up here, and i guess its lucky i had my laptop in my bag, because this place has helped me capture a lot of running thoughts.

Im going to upload this later, and i know it will be my third blog today but theres just so much on my mind, and no one i can share it with at the moment.

I feel i should describe the place for some reason, its a wooded area with a small stream running all the way through, the place im sat has up grown tree roots in a sort of minute bench shape, on opposing banks, there are a few logs in the stream and a rusty wheelbarrow. There is a large tree to my right, and directly ahead of me is my house.

The place itself was somewhere i used to come when i was younger to think about things.

I cant shake the feeling of sadness now, for some reason it makes me want to cry, and although ive thought about this i don’t seem to know how to anymore. Its been so long since i cried properly, im used to tucking things away and forgetting about them. They always come back with some deviant bite in the ass though.. My mind is essentially a derelict bomb site at the moment, things are scattered everywhere, nothing seems to fit together and its somewhere you wouldn’t want to be caught alone. The only thing i can describe is being alone in a city, with no one for miles. No matter how much you call there is no one to save you, nobody to talk to and no form of sanity. Unfortunately its too often im caught there, with no escape.

Im sat watching the ripples in the stream, a quiet beauty surrounds me and it always provokes so many dark thoughts. I worried myself as i found myself wondering who would care if i died. A small child just arrived in the same area on his bike, and i realised how strange i must look right now.. Alone, earphones in, quiet, and typing. I looked up at my window and just found my thoughts stray to imagine my own death, not the death itself but the consequences of it happening. Who would care? Would anyone miss me? I imagined myself as a spirit passed, wandering my house and watching home life without me. How would my family react? What would my social group do? And most of all how would my death affect everyone around me? These thoughts are so depressive, yet somehow satisfying in a weird way. Its scary how it happens, and that it doesn’t take much to trigger these when im alone.

There must be some really deep ridden emotion inside me which i haven’t allowed to arise from its stone in the ground. The childs dad just arrived, and theyre now talking, i can lightly hear them over the music, and theyre just about to leave.

I missed out on a father figure like that when i was younger, me and my dad never went out for child father bonding sessions, so ive never really had that close relationship. This was fully revoked as i was growing up, we just didn’t seem to get on. Hes moving soon, i think its today, but ive only heard from my brother and mum, not him. I think that makes me sad, kind of disappointed..? I really don’t know anymore. My emotions all seemed to get mixed in to one another, and i can never tell exactly how i feel, the only two emotions i seem to show are happiness and anger, if im not one im the other.

I hate this. Why is it so hard to just lead a ‘perfect’ life, and do what i need to for success? I seem to fuck up all i have, and when i get something ive wanted i sabotage it. {The perfect line came on just as i typed that: ‘I really fucked it up this time, didn’t i my dear?’}

I think im going to stop typing now, it must be strange to look at this blog and picture ‘aiden’ as purely depressive, because all my in depth blogs are my worst thoughts. But who am i? To be honest, i don’t know myself, i still seem to be finding out so much about myself i really don’t know.

I may implore in to other methods of writing, maybe something not so public.

Im sorry to have landed this on anyone who may be reading.

x

Saboteur.

So now im in an even worse mood, its been like half an hour since i posted that massive blog, and now everything has gone to shit again in my head.
Just when i didnt need it an argument arose, im now sat on my own, and i feel more resent for myself than i did in the first place.
It really hasnt helped.
I think things are going great in one aspect, i worry that im beginning to feel dependent, i know i am but i fight the urge to accept it, because i dont want to feel like that again. Ive fought the urge to say the forbidden word a couple of times now, its just popped to mind and i wont have it.
Now i feel like shit. Im going to have a shower, get my stuff, go home and chill out until i have my hair cut.
Hopefully something new might change my mood. Saying that i doubt it, il probably end up feeling worse about myself and missing my hair in the first instance.
I just seem to fuck up everything good i have, or reject anything i feel and want to say.
Im heading down, im ruining myself and everything around me, and im becoming the saboteur of my own life. I dont remember where i heard this before, but it was said that in relationships and 'love' we only sabotage ourselves and the things around us, and never accept the beauty of it all, where we want to be and who with etc.
I wish i could remember.
x

Failure

So everything was going great in life, and nothing seemed up, i was positive about where i was going, i had no worries in my 'love life', home life was also good, and i hadnt thought about college or my results..

Yesterday i got them back, i failed everything :/
I officially fucked up my a levels, i got one c, which brought down my philosophy to an overall c, something i didnt want to happen.. The rest of my results were e's, and one u.
Bad bad times.
I was mega depressed yesterday, and i cant seem to shake the feeling of failure in myself, i had pep talks from kaeli, her mum, and also my own, but it just doesnt seem to shake the fact that ive failed myself..?
I hate losing at things, i hate disappointing myself and i hate knowing that i now have to consider new career paths.

I guess the good thing about it is that i now have a clearer mind, im not focusing on one thing as much, and i kind of have a different perspective on it all.
Im going to drop sport, drop classics, follow up with philosophy and psychology, and take art.
I think if i only have three a levels to focus on i can spend more time worrying about them and not so much it all.

Part of my mums pep talk was telling me that i can do anything i want to, and if i show drive and motivation i dont need some piece of paper saying im good at something.
This leads me on to my next point, once im done with my second year of college i intend to look in to becoming a trainee psychologist, learn it from experience, its something i really want, and i think if i show myself to want it enough i might be able to do it.
The main thing i have to do is not give up on myself, but after a shock like that it just seems so hard not to.
Introspectively ive been destroyed, but im trying not to let it show on the outside, because i dont want to be weak. :/

I also was told that my past year has been full of ups and downs, and that its bound to have affected me, i dont want to admit to this though, because i cant give myself any excuses for failing like that, i need to learn from it and take that lesson to the next level when i try to get this trainee career.
It could mean moving away from home, but i guess thats something il have to sacrifice for the good of my life?
I dont know how i feel about that to be honest, it could sway either way, the problem being ive made so many sufficient relationships i dont want to lose them.
Another thing i discovered, is that the possiblity of my mum and dad being mediated on my birthday is high.
I should further explain, last year i split up with someone i was really close to around the time of my birthday, about a week later my parents decided my dad was moving out. I didnt let it affect me because i was so used to the arguing i didnt seem to care anymore, but i did begin to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I then found it hard to hold close relationships until now, and i still find it hard to open up. Needless to say my birthday that year wasnt great, and this year it appears a similar thing may happen. My parents are about to finalise the split, and have a meeting the exact day of my birthday. Oh joy.

I find myself becoming slightly senile towards birthdays now. My brother had his yesterday, he didnt seem overly enthused about his presents, as i didnt know what to get him, after having my results, feeling depressed already and then seeing him so unimpressed i felt utterly awful, and kind of disgraced in myself for leaving it so late to get his presents.
I think i need to prioritise more and be prepared for things like this.
He had to work on his birthday, and then had an argument with his girlfriend. This mustve been shit for him.

I really dont know anymore, im finding myself losing patience with myself, and sometimes others when i really shouldnt, i dont want to hit another depressive state like i have over the past year or two, so im trying my hardest just to push my feelings aside and be positive for whats to come, im young, healthy(?), and i have so many options..

Or do i?
x

Im Running Out Of Titles..

I dont like the way a good mood can change all of a sudden, and become awkward, concerning and essentially pathetic.
Today was a good day, ive been feeling quite happy the past week and im glad i know who i do, spend time with the ones i choose etc etc.
I guess i should start at square one really..?

I had a barbecue at my house last saturday, i was already feeling good in anticipation and over the day my mood started (this is taking ages cos im casually watching a film, getting distracted and losing my chain of thoughts.. Haha) to increase along with my appreciation for my friends.
Nowadays i tend to only spend time with the people that i really know im going to enjoy it with, and i can say with all certainty i did that saturday. There was a pretty small group of us, and although i know some of the people are used to going to bigger more lively parties, i kind of hoped this wouldnt be too bad. It turned out quite nicely, and i had a few really good chats with them all.
The thing i love about these girls in particular, is that theyre so genuine its almost unreal. I always knew they were lovely people, but i think the night really renewed this thought in me.
Aswell as them, i had a few of the best lads round, and altogether i had a pretty nice night.

So with that, and a few other things over the past few days, my mood elevated and ive just been much happier. A few rocks in the path swayed it, but in general its been awesome.
I guess the thing that really pissed me off today, was the fact i asked my dad to come round and help me with my bike. Long story short, my mum made it proper awkward for him, he left sharpish, she then also tried to have a dig at me for not telling her he was coming, and is going to 'talk to me about it later'.
Fuck it man. Fuck her.
The worst thing about that all, was i expected today to be unusual, concerning and potentially mind-blowing. It turned out to be the opposite, i ended up relaxed, inspired and most of all comforted in myself, and certain others.
I randomly decided to sit on a bench in a park in totton at one point, failing that i got bored and felt the need to lie down. During this i had a few weird looks, and a small group of chavs were looking at me. One looked around 10, and they were all smoking. This kind of disturbed me, id be a hypocrite if i said smoking was bad and all that, but he was so so so young. TOO young. How was he even exposed to something like that at such an age?!
After lying there for a while i sat up, rolled up and began smoking. I noticed them moving their mouths, and looking in my direction so i took out my earphones, said sorry and asked what they said.
Turns out the tiny one was apologising for his language, and i said i couldnt hear it. I was then asked if i was ok, to which i responded 'yehh im just killing time', they asked how old i was, i said, they said i looked about 20, at which i smiled, said no and timingly got a phone call.
The point of all that being, the age and stuff doesnt matter, neither does the fact i was lying on a bench. What got to me was that a child that young, someones offspring has been exposed to bad habits, (hypocritical i know),  and is using one of the dirtiest mouths ive heard. I also heard some kids swearing awfully in the changing rooms at the gym the other day.
-Anyway, what i intended to say, was that my faith in the growth and raising abilities of children has significantly faltered, the kid knew he shouldnt be doing it, yet he seemed to consider it fine anyway? The thought was a strange one to bare close, and its been on my mind a lot.
Im done babbling, because i dont want to go in to that too much and end up opening a preposterously over dynamic bag of worms.
Chao.
x 

An Update

Ok, so i gave up on giving up smoking the day after i started.. Fail on my behalf, i was quite annoyed at myself but i guess if i didnt want to then it wasnt going to happen.
Maybe i should just wait for the right time?
Im currently sat here listening to bombay bicycle clubs latest album, which i really do like, its individual, and abnormal from their first.
Ive also decided that im going to keep a journal of my effort in the gym, for example the weight im lifting, when i 'up' it, my weight and possibly measurements, purely so i can feel the efforts myself.
I also want to be putting on at least a lb every two weeks, which could be interesting..

Im generally happy at the moment, nothing seems to be going overly bad, and im just enjoying what i have.
Tomorrow i intend to have a little barbecue thing, which ive asked the girls from christchurch way to come down, i dont think we see them enough, and theyre an amazing bunch if im honest, i just seemed to click with them all as soon as i got to know them.
It should be nice,
But anyway, im now off to get a shower, and gym it up (:
Fareweeellllllll
x

Hmmm.

Its amazing how a good mood can change in an instant and then back to the instant again where you feel fine..
Earlier i fell asleep, and woke up in an awful mood, almost created an argument and just generally felt shit about everything.
I decided to take a wander to see if my mood progressed back to something enjoyable. I listened to bombay bicycle club and then casually strolled. On the way a random girl asked me for a lighter, and though the smallest thing, it made me smile for some reason.
Anyhoo, after a casual walk i ended up at home, chatted to my mum and then went back out.
I feel so much better for it i must say.
I dont understand the feeling of expectation for destruction, someone close seems to expect me to suddenly change my mind and 'ditch' them. This is completely random i know, but its just sprung to mind.
Im feeling inspired to write today, i just dont have much else to say, and i never really get the ambition to do this when i have the most on my mind.
Its strange to think that a few months back, different decisions could have changed my life and i could be somewhere very different right now.

Also, i just burnt my filters, rizla and empty baccy pouch. I have two rollies left, and i cant shake the feeling of the fact im now, well, hopefully, going to be smoke free..
I dont know how il deal with the stress if im honest
x

Summer

I cant believe its already been two weeks of summer so far, ive done multiple retarded things, and i havent written to this blog in ages.

So we went to this party in sway, and it was nice to be outside of my normal social group, and to escape the boredom of hythe and its ways.. Although i wasnt drinking at this party, it was still quite good. Catching up with people i hadnt seen in ages was nice to do, and also watching a load of messheads stumbling around. During the course of the night i managed to lock my mates keys in his car, luckily his sister came to drop off the spare, but was NOT happy :/

That night marked the first time i tried a cannabis lolly. It was actually quite good, along with a few J's it made me slightly high and i was loving life.

The next day however, me and the womans mothers met for the first time, as we went to hers for a barbecue. I guess it was a good night for our mums, because they seemed to somewhat enjoy making embarrassing comments and sniggering. Needless to say we bailed out and went inside. The next time i heard from them was one of jordans mates asking me to come down and carry my mum inside. 

Oh, and yes, the reason being my mum and everyone there had been smoking 'on'. She and nikki had already had between 2 and 4 bottles of wine, and the reason i was summoned was because my mum had been passed out for two hours by this point.. Yay. Im kind of glad she had a good night, but also quite embarrassed.

The past week has been good, and im enjoying having the time off, i can wait to meet a few people over the next 6 weeks to catch up and see whats new.

I dont really know what else i can say, im just quite happy at the moment (:

Ah, infact, i dont know how long that will last, as the main thing on my mind at the moment is giving up smoking. I said i would give up after i run out of this pouch, and as much as i want to stick to that, i regret it already. Im roughly 4 or 5 rollies away from being smoke free..

However, i now have my gym membership, which means i have 12 months of stress relief, bulking out and self esteem improving.. (hopefully..)

NIGHPFDNVDFNGUH

Im generally excited about having it, catch yarrr soooon (:

x

Annoyance

As you know fellow readers, i posted a blog before of me annoying this guy..
I got a round two ;)


bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 i didnt block you twat
aidén. says:
 aww babe, chill out
 its been such a long time
 we havent spoken
 and you come out with that?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 good.
 dont ever want a reason to talk to you really
aidén. says:
 oh well thats just silly
 holding a grudge is bad
 i thought we were friends
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 no told you last time
 no one that takes charlie is my friend really
aidén. says:
 oh well thats a shame, a) because i didnt take her, and b) because youre a downer :')
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 you did take her, she liked you, alot. a downer? thats my sister. literally so shut the fuck up you spastic cunt
aidén. says:
 i did not take her, otherwise i wouldve been with her.. i cant help her liking me and finding you repulsive my love..
 thats unfortunate, but i dont think il shut up im afraid
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 should have shrugged her off.
aidén. says:
 were too good friends
 why would i shrug her off?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 maybe because you didnt like her back
aidén. says:
 well yeh, but she knew i wasnt looking for anything, just because we werent together it doesnt mean shed like you miraculously again, or that i 'took her off you'
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 we had our ups and downs but she'll always love me
aidén. says:
 clearly not..
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 you dont know.....SHIT?
aidén. says:
 i dont see how she could love someone who smells like beef and cheese
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 so stay out of it
 beef and cheese?
 you dont know me
aidén. says:
 and you dont know me.. so why accuse me of things you 'dont know shit' about..?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 because i know certain things
aidén. says:
 hmm
 did you know that youre a hypocrite?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 how?
aidén. says:
 telling me i know fuck all about what youve done, when you clearly know less about me than i do you
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 how do you know stuff about me?
aidén. says:
 because i have bat like ears, and eagle eyes, im a morpher.. ive been compared to the spiderman of my generation il have you know
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 fail on your behalf darling
aidén. says:
 ooo darling, im glad were getting close
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 getting close?
 getting close to me messing your face up
aidén. says:
 hahahahahaha
 ok babe, if you like
 i do know youre quite the violent type
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 and how would you know that?
aidén. says:
 unfortunately controlling it didnt seem to be a part..
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 what the fuck has charlie told you
aidén. says:
 who says it was charlie? it may have been my bat ears and eagle eyes
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 .
aidén. says:
 oh no
 a full stop
 i like full stops il have you know
 its commas that offend me
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 really.
 its showing the end im afraid
aidén. says:
 of our bromance?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 of this fukcing conversation
 *fucking
aidén. says:
 clearly not.. cos youre still talking..?
 wreeeyyy
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 bye.
aidén. says:
 nooooooooooo!!!
 im afraid im weeping
 dont break my heart like this
 il leave you to cool off babe
 call me
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 dont have your number.
aidén. says:
 ah babe, thank god you came back, you said it was the end?!
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 yeah it is now
 although
 haha
aidén. says:
 ahhh, youre pulling my strings arent you you joker  
 i know you miss me really


Blocked. Again. Shame, i miss him :(
x

Meh?

I guess im tired so im just overreacting, but im in an awful mood now.
It would seem im not trusted to be told stuff, well, more to the point, not a comfortable enough face, which i was kind of hoping i was.
Now im sat on my own, while my own *girlfriend* is in a different room, with three of my mates socialising. Great.
I should also add, i was left in my mates house on my own while those four went off to tesco.. Was i consulted or even asked to go? No.
The only thing said to me was 'you dont mind staying here do you?..'
What the fuck. Ugh.
It just seems well out of order, i cant even be fucked to stay here if im honest, im just sat like a fucking loner, drinking and not talking to anyone, other than on facebook on my laptop.
This has royally pissed me off.
Fuck sake.

Oh, and none of them have even come in to ask if i was ok..
Including her

So..

Well the situation all worked out, so im happy about that (:
Ive had a good past week or two, its been great..
Today i didnt do much, worked out some stuff in sport, and ive got a whole new project for next year to do :/
Weve got some guy 'lodging' in our room for the next week or two, i said i was fine about it, but this could be kind of weird..
Haha, i really have nothing decent to say, but im proper bored, and theres nothing to do :|
x

For The Lulz

The title kind of describes my weekend..
Yesterday i had work in the morning, and it was shit boring, and again today, noone came in, like, at all.
It was pretty shit.
But after work yesterday i went to a mates, and spontaneously got high, kept it mediocre and everything was just fucking amazing really. I had a right laugh and a good day.
About 7 o'clock i went to meet kaeli, still slightly high and trying to avoid showing it, anyway, we went back to hers and watched 300, after which i decided to go outside for a fag.
This probably wasnt the smartest idea, as the remaining THC burned and gave me a head rush again, and once more i was a bit high :L
Luckily the lounge had no lights on, so the whole pupil thing wasnt too obvious.
I ended up walking home at about 2, and just felt satisfied, that id actually done worthy things with my day.
(:
I knackered today though, went to work, went to the gym, and about to leave soon for a party, so im really hoping i actually wake up for college tomorrow, cos if i miss any more of it im fucked :L
x

Crazy

I think now things have begun to turn around.
Completely out of the blue ive gone from a lost hope to a renewed sense of confidence..
I dont know where the situation is actually going, but it does feel good to go to bed smiling again (:

Yesterday me and my mate went on a crazy endeavour, which in the least was stupid and epically illegal.
After getting in at 3 the night before, i decided i couldnt be fucked with college.
Woke up, went to the gym, and then spoke to my mate sam.
His new car was meant to be being delivered to his house, yet they decided they couldnt drop it off.
Then, we had the smart idea, in a jokey sense, to go and pick it up.
He suggested it to me, and i said itd be quality, and that we should do it..
At this point, i should probably note, he wasnt the named owner of the car as of yet, and he hadnt driven in about two months, also, he wasnt insured on the car..
It was illegal on so many levels.
SO, we went to town, picked it up, and drove it home.
It was so sketchy, we were shitting it every time we saw police, and to add insult to injury we stopped for a mcdonalds :')
I have to say, it was one of the most exciting days, nervous laughter was all i could really use to portray my thoughts, and pulling it off felt so amazing.
So now im above the law, im a rebel. Hahaha.
It was honestly an epic day.
I dont really know what else to write, but the past week has been really good
Chow fo' Now.
x

Life

In general, its been pretty decent this past week.
We just entered a team in a 5 a side league, played two hard teams, drew against one and beat the top of the league team 6-3. Its fun to play football again, and enjoy it. Playing with mates and just having a good laugh, aswell as getting the satisfaction of playing well and being complimented. (:
Sweating is the least fun bit though..
Im loving the gym too, the other day i was walking home, and i lost the top i was wearing :L
It was a black vest, and i miss it :(
Haha, its pay day today though so i can buy more :D
Last night after football i met up with kaeli, and we walked for a bit, sat down and talked for ages.
It was really nice, and we just seemed to kill about 2 hours sat on a path chatting. There was never a moment we had nothing to say, and i enjoy conversations like that.
At one point a fox just casually strolled past about 20 metres away, didnt even seem to care we were there, it was really strange..
Im currently waiting to go to college, and it feels good to have slept in for once.
Thats all really, i have nothing amazing to talk about..
Although....
ITS PAYDAY TODAY AND THAT MEANS I CAN HAVE MY TATTOO DONE WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK OR TWO :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Excited much? Yes. :')
x

I Fucking Love Winding People Up..

bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 oh hi :L
ɐıpǝu. says:
 hi?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 yes, hi
ɐıpǝu. says:
 do i know you?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 nope
ɐıpǝu. says:
 fair enough
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 
 are you tlkin to charlie?
ɐıpǝu. says:
 talking*
 but currently yes
 why?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 oh fuck off.
 just wondered if she is alrite
ɐıpǝu. says:
 calm down babes, whats with the swearing?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 im not your babes
ɐıpǝu. says:
 i thought you were?...
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 who are you?
 LOL
ɐıpǝu. says:
 damnn, i thought we were friends man
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 why?
 you blatently tried to steal charlie off me ages aho
ɐıpǝu. says:
 hahahaahaha
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 ago
ɐıpǝu. says:
 did i now
 ?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 ye
ɐıpǝu. says:
 yes? was that?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 your a funny prick
ɐıpǝu. says:
 il take that as a compliment, mean things make me cry..
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 cry?
 LOL
ɐıpǝu. says:
 yehh, i weep in a ball in the dark, naked, and covered in vaseline
 its my happy place
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 your a fucking weirdo dont see what charlie saw in you to be faor
ɐıpǝu. says:
 awhh, im sorry you guys have different views
 i thought we couldve made it work..
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 who you and charlie?
 nahh she stll loves me
ɐıpǝu. says:
 no i meant you and me
 aww, im glad for you
 
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 im not gay.
ɐıpǝu. says:
 really?!
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 yh really
ɐıpǝu. says:
 oh, what a shame.
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 what the fuck
 mate, your a freak
ɐıpǝu. says:
 now what did we say about mean things?
 and i believe you mean you're* ?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 na i mean your!
ɐıpǝu. says:
 ah, well i think thats a bit of bad grammar on your behalf my friend
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 i aint your friend
ɐıpǝu. says:
 am not*? was that?
 why did you call me mate then?
 dont lead me on like this!
 youre tearing me apart!
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 hahahaha
ɐıpǝu. says:
 i dont like you laughing at my broken heart
 makes me hollow inside
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 im talking to charlie. go away
ɐıpǝu. says:
 ohh babe, dont be like this
 i miss you already
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 stop beign such a twat your trying to wind me up, ive warned charlie about you
ɐıpǝu. says:
 HA, warned her?
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 yes
ɐıpǝu. says:
 learn to spell aswell my friend
bartlett1@live.co.uk says:
 paaaaaa
ɐıpǝu. said (17:39):
 im sorry you think that, i wanted to be friends..



He blocked me.. :(
HAHAHAHA

Those Days Are Gone, Theyre Just Memories..

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now..

I wish when you made a wish it would come true, i have one id really love to come true right now, and it just keeps pressing.
I hate wanting something this badly.

I think the sun generally puts me in a great mood..
I had work today, left feeling like utter shit, went straight to the gym, listened to my ipod on the way home with a carton of milk, and a fag, and i was on top of the world again.
Its weird.
I genuinely cannot WAIT for the summer man :/

I think my whole epiphany about taking chances is going to fail either way, i know im not straight out enough to do that. (:
Ahh. I guess if something is going to work out in my life it will?
x

Right.

I was about to write a blog saying about what a good mood i was in, and how small gestures, and nice comments really make a difference to how you feel, and seem to accomplish the efforts you make.
However, i just got an email telling me i didnt get a job i really wouldve liked. Which means im still stuck in my shitty place of work. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. Fuck it.


I heard an amazing quote today in philosophy, from the Meditations of Descartes.
"I shall apply myself seriously and freely to the general destruction of all my former opinions."
I think i might do this, erase all i have developed in the way of opinions, ignore all i once based my ideas on of people, and start again.
Maybe its time to start taking chances and putting myself out there?
I say this, and im pretty sure i have done before, but i never actually do it.. Im too scared of losing things, and i dont mean that in a materialistic sense, but i guess you can assume what i mean.
Meh, i dont know what to go on about now, but i guess im just pondering.
I really am going to try and follow that idea though, ive realised over the past year, that stereotypes i used to make are irrational, and some of the people i wouldve used to stereotype are infact some of the better in my life now.
That is a fact my readers (haha, that sounds so formal)
Anyway, im determined not to let the mood drop, ive been in a relatively good mood, and it would be silly to let it fall.
Lads round for the football later, few beers, should be an alright night.
Bye for now.
x

TATTOO

I HAVE THE DESIGN, IVE HAD THE TEST SCRATCH (its not as bad as its made out to be..), AND I CANT FUCKING WAIT.
He said to call him when i want to go through with it, and as soon as i have the money i will :')
IM SO FUCKING EXCITED MAN.


Im on top of the world baby!
Well, kind of.. :)
x

Thought

I often come up with weird sayings in my head..

A broken heart repairs itself, but only in anticipation of its next destruction, one that is inevitable.

It sounds stupid, and soppy, and really quite unlikely to come from a guy. Haha.
The irony is that if you think about it, its true.
Ugh.
x